Friday, June 1, 2012

Doing it Full-Time

When I worked at a laundromat at seventeen-years-old, I dreamed of being a full-time writer some day. When I worked at an apartment complex as an office assistant, I dreamed of being a full-time writer. When I was a bank teller, I dreamed of being a full-time writer.

But dreaming about it never quite prepared me for what being a full time writer actually meant. These days most conversations are had with my husband and three-year-old and Twitter. It's not unusual to find oyster crack crumbs in my bra (and if you wear tank tops a lot, or V-necks, you know what I'm talking about ladies, admit it). And when they say working from home is hard, it really is hard. Not like, stand-on-my-feet-for-nine-hours-and-listen-to-people-bitch hard. More like, I-want-to-watch-TV-and-not-work-and-there's-no-one-here-to-stop-me hard.

And since I know many of you either a) want to be a full-time writer, or b) are about to become a full-time writer, I thought I'd pull together a list for you. A (Soon-To-Be) Full-Time Writer's Preparedness List.

Invest in some good dry shampoo, because nothing says "I've spent the last twenty-four hours in someone else's head, in a room by myself," like greasy hair.



Somedays, you don't want to talk to real people. Especially when you're on deadline. You run out of milk. Or toilet paper. Or maybe you just want to get out of the house. A good disguise is key!

MacFreedom. It works. And you'll need it.





Comfy yoga pants. Or any comfy pants will do. But don't expect to look like her after spending four of five days sitting in a chair. Which brings me to number 5.





Get yourself a gym membership. Not only will it help get you out of the house, and keep you in shape, it'll help wear off some of the crazy.




Number 5 and 6 work against each other, I know. But whatever. You'll need it.



Ahh yes, Mr. Right. Or Mrs. Right. Or whoever is significant in your life. They'll have to be extremely understanding, because sometimes you won't see each other at all, even though you've spent an entire day only ten feet apart. When you're writing, you're writing, and nothing else exists. They'll also have to put up with your incessant whining, and your serious talent for believing you suck 84% of the time. I don't know how my husband does it. I would have divorced myself a long time ago.



If you have children, you will most definitely, without a doubt, need some form of childcare. Whether it's daycare. Or school. Or inlaws. You'll need it. And you should exploit it until they avoid your phone calls. Or tell you to come pick your kid up. But pray for the kid who has to spend a day with that old lady. Hopefully your inlaws have a more cheerful disposition.




Booze.





And last, and most importantly, you'll need writer friends. Your people. They will understand the crazy unlike anyone else in your life. They will talk you off the ledge. They will make you happy when you are not happy. They will send you pictures of hot guys when you just want to give up. Use them wisely, and treat them well.

So, that concludes The (Soon-To-Be) Full Time Writer's Preparedness List. I hope it helps!



4 comments:

  1. Dry Shampoo? THAT EXISTS?!

    Great list! I think this is the very first list of this kind that doesn't involve massive amounts of caffeine.

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  2. Very helpful. I *might* enter this club someday, but it's a rather huge leap to make. Having dry shampoo and booze on hand might help, though. Thank you for the tips.

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  3. Love this list! Especially the last one, about needing good writer friends in your life. I don't know what I'd do without mine! (Probably be crazier than I already am, haha.)

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