Thursday, May 5, 2011

Being You

I am the Jekyll and Hyde of confidence. Some days I am so confident in who I am and what I’m doing, I want to shout it from every available rooftop. But other days (and they happen more often than I’d like), I avoid the Internet and computer at all costs. I’d much rather lie on the couch in a puddle of ugh and watch movies all day long.

And why is that? Is it normal? Or is this a characteristic of writers only?

I think it's hard being an artist of any form. You have this need to create. You can’t ignore it. You can’t avoid it. It is a part of who you are. And with that need comes the need to share it. And sharing it means sharing you. Everything an artist puts out there reveals a piece of who that person is.

Inevitably, you worry about how people will view you. Will they like me? Am I annoying? Do I seem unoriginal?

I want people to like me, obviously. But at what cost? Should I not say A, B and C because Group D might think I’m lame? And should I care if Group D thinks I’m lame?

It’s all very high school, isn’t it?

When these thoughts creep in, I try to tap into that part of me That Does Not Care. It’s a small part. It has a tiny corner in the Library of Jenn. But it’s there. And when I tell myself, Self, you can only be you and if someone doesn’t like you, you don’t need them anyway, I feel a million times better.

In the grand scheme of things, I must live my life the way I want to live my life. Because if I try to please everyone, and be what everyone else wants me to be, then who am I? I wouldn’t be Jenn anymore. I’d be Them.







6 comments:

  1. It's a hard conundrum especially as a writer where you need people to like your work but it still needs to be true to yourself. In that sense, it's very hard to convince yourself not to care.
    I view it less as not caring and more as knowing they will like it. Even with a first draft, I know eventually, once it's refined, it will be awesome. Whether this is true or not doesn't really matter as it gives me the courage to keep putting the pen to paper.

    Also, I really appreciate the comments and changes you made to my draft. Hoping to post a new version this weekend.

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  2. I hope my comments helped! I do enjoy critiquing! And I'm sure your project will be awesome when you're through with it. :D

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  3. Awesome post, Jenn---I often compare being a writer to being bipolar--it's a total emotional roller-coaster.

    Also--"puddle of ugh" is full of win. :D

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  4. Thanks Debra! I think bipolar fits the bill pretty well. :D

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  5. Ever stumble across a post and thinking to yourself: Damn, this is what I needed to hear today?

    Well, it just happened.

    *applauds this post!*

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  6. Debra---I'm pretty sure I responded to your comment, but it must have disappeared in the Great Blogger Blackout of 2011. :D Anyway, what it said was THANK YOU! Being a writer definitely has its ups and downs.

    Amber! I'm glad the post was just what you needed today. :P And I love when that happens, when someone else's post speaks to me.

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